Douchebag Uni Students Suffocated by Overly Tight Clothing

by gournalist


At 11.20 a.m. yesterday a group of four male exercise students in their early twenties were asphyxiated to death by their own clothing on QUT’s Kelvin Grove campus.

The group had left the gym only moments earlier and were looking to purchase some protein shakes when they simultaneously collapsed on the footpath.

Paramedics were quick to the scene but were unable to take off the victims’ “unbelievably tight shirts” to apply defibrillators.

Lifelong friend Bobby Robins said he had warned the group about their addiction to tight shirts and pants.

“I told them this would happen but they wouldn’t listen. At first they started buying the men’s extra small size. But it wasn’t enough for them. They wanted to go tighter and tighter. So they started buying the Boy’s Medium size and then the Boy’s Small Size. It was like I was looking at a bunch of nostalgic pedophiles. They thought that girls would love it, but they all just screamed and ran away.”

It is believed that shortly after the group collapsed, several IT students ran out of their cavernous computer labs and danced around their bodies while laughing nasally.

“This is the greatest day of our life. It’s people like this that beat us up in school. But now who’s laughing?” said IT nerd Winston Gates.

The IT students were later taken into custody by police to shield the public from their horrifically pale skin and awful ‘jeans and joggers’ combination.

*Image courtesy of stockimages /