Mexico ecstatic with being stereotyped as drug dealers rather than fat, lazy slobs

by gournalist


Speaking on behalf of the Mexican population, President Felipe Calderón proclaimed his country’s jubilation with being stereotyped as malicious drug dealers as opposed to fat, lazy slobs.

“Today I am proud to say I am Mexican. This is the greatest day in our country’s history,” he said, speaking to a crowd of nearly 100,000 people in the country’s capital, Mexico City. “We are no longer seen around the world as embarrassingly overweight and lethargic. Now we are seen as extremely violent, homicidal maniacs with connections to a multitude of outlaw gangs!”

Since early 2008 more than 9,300 people have been murdered in the gruesome drug wars which have engulfed the country.

The Mexican ‘drug dealer/gang member’ image has been perpetuated by a high level of international interest in the country’s drug issues while the ‘lazy, obese’ image has quite ironically lagged behind.

“We are much more thrilled with this image. Despite all of the carnage and death we have faced it has been absolutely worth it.”

The president was later shot several times in the chest and lays in hospital in a serious but stable condition. The incident is being treated as suspicious and is assumed to be in connection with a number of drug oriented crime syndicates. His bodyguards, notably overweight, were around the corner smoking a cigarette at the time of the shooting because, “they didn’t feel like working.”